The old saying “time flies” has never seemed truer.
Seems like only a short while ago I was nervous about turning 20, and that was 5 years ago. Do I feel wise with old age? A little. Do I feel sadness for the things I said I’d do by the time I had circled the sun 25 times? Definitely!
10 years ago I was sure that I’d be a millionaire by now, owning condos in New-York, LA, Greece, Italy and France and my magazine and television network would be some of the most successful companies out there. But alas I am yet to own even a small apartment here in Zambia, though I have rented for over a year and know the responsibility of taking care of myself.
It has been quite a journey to here, faced trials,setbacks and challenges like most people and I must say I am quite proud of how things turned out.
I am not where my 15 year old self thought I’d be by now but I have made great strides towards making my dreams come true. I’ve been a model- ultimate dream of being on a billboard came true,though I still have magazine cover to make happen-I have worked, supported myself, stood up for myself even to the point of taking legal action against a company, been a producer-that job was so much fun- been an adult by knowing when something isn’t working and getting out before anymore loses were made and now I know the responsibility of taking myself back to school and finishing what I started.
I have seen miracles, I have known pain, disappointment, rejection and heartbreak, I have felt love, joy, I have felt the exhilaration of having a dream come true, I have suffered lose, encountered frustration at pretty much every corner for the first 8 months of this year, been lost in despair and uncertainty, I have been forced to fight for what is mine, I have lived. Also, I have finally tackled that tummy bulge issue that’s been a pain for as long as I can remember.
If my 15 year old self could see where we are now, I hope she could look at me and be proud of the woman we have become and the woman we are are working towards becoming. She is still here, still day dreaming, still seeing nothing but possibilities in a world that has swallowed so many whole, still dancing like there is no tomorrow, still believing that music could change the world, still un-apologetically confident.
Pleas note: I am not giving myself credit for all that’s happened up to this point. I spent many a night praying for strength to just make it through, I have talked to my mother about heartbreak-not an easy task being so open about my emotions with my mother, a woman whose strength baffles me everyday- and she gave me one of the best ‘getting over a broken relationship’ advise I have ever been given: If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you, but he chose not to now you must choose whether or not you can live with that. I also talked to her about mistakes at work, gotten advise and a good scolding where I needed one, I have cried on friends’ shoulders, screamed into pillows and written my fears and pain away.I have requested prayers when I thought I’d lose my mind after my brother’s accident earlier this year. I have had a lot of support from family, friends and even strangers, for that I am eternally thankful for.
October 5 not only marks the day I was born, it also marks the day this blog was born, it was actually a 24th birthday gift from my boyfriend whom for as long as he had known me noted that I kept expressing the desire to have a blog but I did nothing about it. Though it was 3 days ago, happy birthday to both me and my blog, ooh, and my stuffed rabbit Lulu that I got on my 3rd birthday from my mom, I love that thing so much, hope my daughter does too when I pass her on to her one day