I want my butt back!

Body weight. Something I’ve struggled with since childhood. First because most of my childhood I was considered too skinny and had trouble putting on weight, then from age 14-21 I built up to weighing the most I ever have in my existence so far, 58kg.

That may not seem like much but when all the weight you gain goes to your bottom and your tummy, it becomes an issue that is of constant concern, especially when you are obsessed with fashion magazines and dream of becoming a model in your teens. I have never appreciated the fact that I gain weight first on my tummy, not a good look, thus, most of my mid teen to early 20s I’ve spent trying to fight the bulge, I do want to keep the bum though, hey, I’m african.

For about 2 years now, I’ve been having people tell me that I’m losing too much weight and asking me to stop whatever it is I’m doing that’s causing the weight lose. I honestly haven’t been doing much to lose weight, save for obsessive exercising in the quest to get a tum like Nicole Scherzinger. So, I didn’t put my mind to it much when people complained about my weight loss cause after all, there is no such thing as targeted weight loss, to lose the tum, weight must come off everywhere, I’ve read enough articles on the subject matter to become comfortable with this fact.

That is until this month when I notice that my tightest fitting jeans now feel loose.
Panic ensued, I am losing my prised butt!!!! AHHH! Something must be done! I am curvy and proud of it, ok, I could do without the belly but I love my curves. My feelings about my behind have not always been positive though, it was the target of relentless teasing from my peers during puberty, I guess it was weird, I was 12, stick thin, no boobs or hips insight then suddenly big butt! It wasn’t until I started filling out at around age 14 and finally got visible breasts and hips that my figure begun to be considered attractive.

Then came the next phase, people would scare me by predicting that I would be over weight as an adult and would particularly struggle with losing weight after child birth. I was determined for that to never happen, getting on a workout plan immediately. Now, I have no idea how they come up with those assumptions and I’ve never been pregnant so I have no idea if there is any merit to what they said but I do know this, I want to be a healthy weight. My current goal is a range of 55-58kg, meaning, I need to put on 5-8 kilo grams.

My first step to doing this has been to recognise that there is a problem. I figure the reason I am losing so much weight is due to stress, the past few months have not been the easiest for me in most areas of my life that I deem important, career wise, family- having a brother in hospital recovering from a very scary accident, having people owing me money who don’t seem in very much of a hurry to settle what they owe, possible court case concerning a former employer that owes me money, desire to go back to school and finish my diploma course in marketing, worrying about not being able to update my sites, everything seeming to hang in the balance, when it feels like all I can do is fight, hold on and hope for the best while it all crumbles around me.

In the light of all this, eating tends to not be a priority. My next step will be to start a food journal where I will document what I eat and how often I do eat. The ideal scenario being that I eat a healthy meal or snack every four hours if I can help it. I will also keep exercising as I do have a tendency to fall off the work out wagon for months on end and then comes the tummy bulge that takes forever and a year to get rid of.

I have noticed that on a proper regimen, I don’t have much trouble losing weight, I can lose it quite quickly actually, mostly because I get obsessive about working out every day and that I probably have a fast metabolism. While I do still look healthy and have energy, I know that I am not taking the best care of my body or my mind. Life will always present challenges, I know that with my tenacious and stubborn attitude, I can make it through all the jabs and come out swinging at the other end. I am not proud to report that recent events have driven be back into the world of nail-biting and thrown me off my writing game, issues I plan to fully dedicate my time to sorting out as well.

While all that’s happening now is a passing phase, it is taking its toll as it feels like a full plate and it’s mother I have to deal with now and there seems to be no sign of it relenting. All in all, I am hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The most important thing to do now is to develop a healthy mind set and making sure my body is at it’s healthiest. A strong mind and strong body, all I need to face the big scary beautiful wonderful world.

So, the steps I plan to take in my quest to gain 5-8kg again:

-Start a food journal where I record all I eat and how often I do so.
– Eat healthy and well balanced meals and snacks.
-Stay hydrated.
-Continue working out, 3-5 times a week of 30 minute cardio and targeted exercise sessions.
-De stress via writing.
-Keep fighting, keep hoping and stay cheerful.

Photo was taken in November 2013 before major weight fluctuations.


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